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Blood and Guts!


I had blood drawn this morning.  I have always been terrified of needles.  So instead of going to fear, while she was drawing 5 tubes, I just sat there.  I said Sharon what is this for you, where did this come from.  I know when I go deep to feel it, I will have something come up that will be painful.  But I have learned to sit with it, go to the feelings and let it come up so I can move through it.  Tears started to pour down my cheeks.  The lady asked me if I was ok.  You see the world thinks that feeling is something bad.  Nope, I just feel.  And When I do, it moves me.   

It moves through me. 

Here is what I get to feel.  The pain of when I was a child.  I passed out once when my mom had blood drawn.  I was 8.  She had huge tubes drawn.  ( and I remembered the story) but never as deep as this morning.  Because I choose to ask "Sharon, go deep.... what is it? keep going"..... the memory came.   

Softly it came.  I remember that my mom was always sick.  Always at the doctors.  Always in a psyche ward.  I now know I was in terror of my mom dying.  The healing tears just fell.   

So every time I saw needles it triggered that fear.   

Wow….. 

Thanks for listening.  I can today still feel what that little girl felt.  So afraid. 
 

Thank you life, thank you real love, thank you loved ones who can see me when I am fragile and processing more and still love me........... 

Love you.  Sharon

 

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