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The love we fail to share is the only pain we live with.



The love we fail to share is the only pain we live with.   

My partner and I have had one major issue lingering over us for many years.  We both have been so confused and hurt that we withdrew from the topic completely both feeling afraid of the other.  Wounded and confused by the others actions we had a truce of no communication around it. But a truce is nothing more than pain put on hold.  

 

Being afraid to talk to your partner about a topic can be very painful and if it lasts it can wear deeply on a relationship. 

 

My partner decided to broach the subject with me and kept repeating that he wanted to bridge this gap.  I noticed my brain kept wanting to defend that truth.  For years I believed something different.  As I listened to the commitment from my partner something snapped.  But it took 24 hours to process the change. 

 

I had lived in this topic for so long believing I was a victim to a lie.  My partner was just afraid.  And I couldn’t see it.  As he showed me the commitment my brain went into an intense painful spiral and I let it be.  I felt it and I spun and spun in thoughts and feelings that made no sense.  I was deeply filled with anger and rage. 

 

I figured out that the belief itself, the lie I believed about my partner on this issue was what was causing me the pain and my connecting to believing this lie.  The second I got that the pain went away.  It was me that was not leaning in to him and couldn’t yet in the moment he was trying to build a bridge.  I couldn’t yet.  I had to take a step back, feel the pain and see my place in all of this. 

 

I went back to my partner and opened up, I trusted and gave a sense of love back to my partner of what my new awareness was and now I was willing to give it all up. 

 

We bridged the gap with commitment and love.  Notice I didn’t give you details of what the issue is.  It’s really not important.  What is important to learn is that every issue can be healed if we just leaned back into love.  Love means overcoming out intense fear of our partner.  Just as my partner took every bit of courage to address the issue knowing how hard it was for me to hear.  He did.  And that is courage to heal in relationship.  The courage to speak when your whole body says hell no.  To keep repeating until your partner can get it that you want this to be better. 

 

Knowing that my issues are tied to the lies I believe, I can make new choices to trust and believe in healing in relationship.  Sometimes it just take the courage of one to help the two. 


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