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Love and Teach

Dad is out of town. My son is supposed to be staying with Grandma. He went “out” last night and failed to come home.

Mom was in TERROR. She didn’t think to call me until she was in complete panic. Couldn’t find her meds and was in total “freak out”.

I got it all settled, Shane finally arrived and we had a family pow wow.

It was interesting as I learn to LOVE AND TEACH that I show up so differently. I taught Shane this morning when he leans into responsibility and practices seeing, loving and being there for Grandma that he is learning a very important skill. He is learning how to be a happier person. His not being able to do it perfectly as he makes his mistakes, that it is my fault for not knowing how to teach this to him sooner. I have his back, but do not take over his commitments for him. He wanted to take off this weekend on a road trip to California with Friends and asked me to cover. I said no, not because it was inconvenient to me (which it is) but that I cared more for his happiness and teaching him that he is happier as he learns to keep his commitments.

Grandma wanted me to take all his things out of the house before he arrived and never wanted to see him again. Attacking. Fear. Terror.

Normal.

I helped her See him better and that he in some ways was really a child that had not been taught well yet how to be really responsible because I had failed to teach him. I had saved him one too many times. He has a good heart but his critical thinking was not up to adult yet. He did what he was taught. He had all the chores done and then went out. He drank so he did what I taught him. Don’t drive if drinking, sleep it off, then come home. He did that.

He just didn’t know Grandma was so afraid to be alone.

So once he was able to “see” grandma more clearly he easily moved to more compassion and is more clear on his job now. To love her and be present. It was never about the chores.

So they both learned a lot today and so did I. How to be completely inconvenienced.  When I got the call from Grandma this morning I was on a SKYPE call with a client and left that meeting immediately. Then to show up really loving and seeing both of them for who they really are and helped them see each other more clearly. Grandma got that telling the truth about he fears was important. The façade that she is always ok, does not serve her and to ask for the love she deserves. Keep it clear and honest.

As I was inconvenienced I had not one bone in my body that said “anger”. I got there and held my mom for two hours until she felt calm again. We just talked and I held her. I stroked her hair and told her that she was not alone.

Shane walked in about 10 AM. 

Shane could not have learned more how to be loving if I had been angry. He had to hear first that my words were coming from a place that I was concerned for his happiness. 

I am so happy that I have learned to be happy.

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