This is my first entry really telling the truth about myself and sharing on a different level than before.
As I practice real love or just any spiritual practice I get Aha's that I would like to share and haven't really done that at a personal level as it pertains to me.
I went about two weeks ago to the doctor and found out I have shingles. It's the chicken pox virus that stays in our body dormant through out our lives. If it comes out later again, it shows up and transforms itself in a different way. It is shingles.
I got it on my face. I got it around my eye. Left side. The outside appearance of rash and itchy stuff is the first symptom. The other symptons are non-visible. The disease is nerv driven and causes a lot of pain. Since it is near my eye, the doc told me it is "ocular" shinlges and I could loose my eye. He told me the pain is severe and some people have committed suicide because it messes with the brain and causes depression.
So I pushed through the pain, trying to be super woman. I realized after about two weeks and another visit to the doc that the pain was really wearing me out.
A mix of pain, tiredness, fear of loosing my eye......behaviors started to come out.
The realization that emptiness can show up due to physical cahllenges. It gave me a greater understanding to people with extreme back pain or other pain. My mom is on pain killers for damage to discs in her back. I can relate more now.
It's just plain hard to be loving when one is in pain. So I isolated myself, felt depression coming on, attacking myself for being non-superwoman, pushed away loved ones because a I must be flawed, because love is only for the emotional healing, right? I had lot's of confusion around this. My brain was being screwed with. Pain does that. I didn't know.
Once I began to see that even exhaustion can cause us to be less capable of being loving I emptied out. I live thinking I am superwoman or should be. Can anyone relate?
Well, I finally allowed some loving people to be with me in this and I can't tell you the difference it made. My head still hurts but I feel loved. Thanks to the loving people who hold my hand when I tell the truth about how I am being unloving and fearful, I feel better. The pain has not stopped yet. The Doctor said for sure I have to be on meds for at least a month more to kill it. He said it could take 8-12 months of meds to do it all.
But what did go away was fear. I am not alone. I am never alone. People love me even when I am stressed beyond my capacity. I never have to be alone. I remember driving home from the opthamologist and being told that I could loose my eye feeling very alone in that and crying.
With me telling people about it and letting them love me, it has made all the difference in the world.
Thanks real love community! I love you........Sharon
As I practice real love or just any spiritual practice I get Aha's that I would like to share and haven't really done that at a personal level as it pertains to me.
I went about two weeks ago to the doctor and found out I have shingles. It's the chicken pox virus that stays in our body dormant through out our lives. If it comes out later again, it shows up and transforms itself in a different way. It is shingles.
I got it on my face. I got it around my eye. Left side. The outside appearance of rash and itchy stuff is the first symptom. The other symptons are non-visible. The disease is nerv driven and causes a lot of pain. Since it is near my eye, the doc told me it is "ocular" shinlges and I could loose my eye. He told me the pain is severe and some people have committed suicide because it messes with the brain and causes depression.
So I pushed through the pain, trying to be super woman. I realized after about two weeks and another visit to the doc that the pain was really wearing me out.
A mix of pain, tiredness, fear of loosing my eye......behaviors started to come out.
The realization that emptiness can show up due to physical cahllenges. It gave me a greater understanding to people with extreme back pain or other pain. My mom is on pain killers for damage to discs in her back. I can relate more now.
It's just plain hard to be loving when one is in pain. So I isolated myself, felt depression coming on, attacking myself for being non-superwoman, pushed away loved ones because a I must be flawed, because love is only for the emotional healing, right? I had lot's of confusion around this. My brain was being screwed with. Pain does that. I didn't know.
Once I began to see that even exhaustion can cause us to be less capable of being loving I emptied out. I live thinking I am superwoman or should be. Can anyone relate?
Well, I finally allowed some loving people to be with me in this and I can't tell you the difference it made. My head still hurts but I feel loved. Thanks to the loving people who hold my hand when I tell the truth about how I am being unloving and fearful, I feel better. The pain has not stopped yet. The Doctor said for sure I have to be on meds for at least a month more to kill it. He said it could take 8-12 months of meds to do it all.
But what did go away was fear. I am not alone. I am never alone. People love me even when I am stressed beyond my capacity. I never have to be alone. I remember driving home from the opthamologist and being told that I could loose my eye feeling very alone in that and crying.
With me telling people about it and letting them love me, it has made all the difference in the world.
Thanks real love community! I love you........Sharon
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